Why Cats Are Assholes by Liz Miele

Author:Liz Miele [Miele, Liz]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Humor, Topic, animals, Celebrity & Popular Culture, General, Form, essays, Adult
ISBN: 9781510756236
Google: 4A_ODwAAQBAJ
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Published: 2021-03-30T23:47:40.513812+00:00

GENERAL QUESTION FOR THE PUBLIC: IF YOU COULD HAVE A TAIL, WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO HAVE ONE?

My answer is yes, I would. My reasoning: They are great for balance and controlling your jumps, so as a former gymnast, four-time parkour class taker, and frequent tripper, I think it would be really helpful for me to have one. I also love the ability to slyly hit people with it. Just from wearing them at Halloween parties from ages six to thirty-four, I can tell you they are just fun to play with and pet. Downside is I feel like it’ll be like being left-handed—you’ll need special toilets and pants and no one will make them correctly for a long time. Even so, I still think it might be worth the struggle. Oh, and this is all contingent on if it looked like a cat tail (fluffy and pretty). If it’s gonna be scaly and gross like a rat’s tail, I’m out. I don’t care how useful and cool it is, if it’s ugly and I have to cover it in tattoos to like it then it’s a no-go.

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